The Hard Lessons I’ve Learned from My Daughter’s Ongoing Struggle with Heroin Addiction

Before my daughter’s addiction, everything I knew about heroin came from movies and TV shows. I thought heroin addicts were homeless, dirty, and poor. I assumed my well-off daughter with a college degree couldn’t possibly be one of these people.

I want other parents to know that heroin addiction hides for a long time, but the longer it takes you to discover it, the more difficult it is to treat. Our daughter started misusing prescription drugs after an accident that caused chronic back pain. She later told me that she kept taking more of these drugs to manage the anxiety she felt about her lingering health issues and because she couldn’t run anymore, a lifelong passion for her.

When she made new friends who were using heroin, the transition was easy. She got a faster, better high, and her anxiety and fears melted away. She continued to function for almost a year like this before we finally noticed the signs. She lost weight and her behaviors became odd, secretive. She just didn’t seem like herself, but it was hard to put a finger on why. Then she lost her job, and the truth came out.

No matter how much addiction comes into the light—no matter how many people from all walks of life get sucked into this disease—stigma persists. Many people still view addiction (including those struggling) as a personal fault and as a weakness. This proven disease remains shameful to so many.

My daughter did not want to admit that she had an addiction for a long time. The overwhelming shame kept her from getting the help she needed for over a year. Only when the situation became untenable when she couldn’t earn a living, did she accept the truth and accept help.

Stigma may be the number one barrier to getting treatment for those living with a substance use disorder. It prevents early interventions, which can save time in treatment—and lives. Never let shame come before treatment, for you or a loved one.

After reading countless studies and articles on substance use disorder, I have learned what makes treatment for addiction effective. A mistake we made early on was to assume that our daughter could get sober with a week of hospitalization followed by drug counseling.

It just wasn’t enough. Now I know that effective treatment requires dedication and time, often months. The week of hospitalization got her through painful withdrawal, and she refrained from using for another few weeks, but then more complex factors came into play: old friends, old hangouts, stress, anxiety, and fear about the future. She used again.

My daughter is now in a dedicated treatment facility, where she can take time to focus on managing these and other triggers. She’ll stay there for at least three months. She will stay even longer if that’s what it takes to help her learn how to live with this disease.

We chose a treatment facility for our daughter with a focus on family support and participation. I’m so glad we did. I have learned since the start of this journey that no one can heal from addiction alone. Not only that, but the families of people struggling with heroin need to do their own healing.

So far, we have participated as a family in therapy sessions and without our daughter in education programs. My husband, son, and I have learned so much about addiction and learned that we never even realized how ignorant we were. That understanding is just the beginning of the compassionate, non-judgmental support that my daughter needs.

In treatment, we have learned practical ways to support our daughter. We have improved our communication. And I personally have been able to explore my own feelings of guilt and shame, the sense that I let my daughter down.

Thanks to our support, my daughter knows that she isn’t alone. No matter how difficult treatment is, she knows we are waiting at home and that she can stay there with us as long as she needs in order to feel comfortable living independently again.